


Home

by AnnaHolt



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Immortality, M/M, Modern Era, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaHolt/pseuds/AnnaHolt
Summary: In which Merlin lives his life without Arthur, waiting for his return.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 7





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sad.

The sun was slowly rising enlightening the lake with its golden lights, shades of green and blues filling its calm and almost transparent waters. The chirping of birds resounded in the air, creating a relaxing melody accompanied by the noises of bushes; the cold air filled the place, a soft wind moving the branches of the trees making them fall and create a soft blanket of colors on the ground. Red, yellow and orange mixing like the colors on a painter's canvas. 

Merlin stretched feeling his own bones rigid, leaning forward surrounding his legs with his arms. A smile formed on his lips as he stared at the sky, turning pink and then orange, the sun moving slowly, recovering from its sleep.

"I'm happy I listened to you Merlin, this place is awesome." Whispered Arthur beside him. Merlin looked at him with a fond smile, a grin forming on his lips. That morning he had forced Arthur to wake up earlier, he had dressed him and then combed his hair with care; he had also convinced him to leave his armor at the castle and leavejbn dressed as a peasant. Arthur had mumbled and cursed the whole time wanting to go back to sleep in his warm bed, but Merlin had forbidden him to do so promising that he would have left him to sleep the next morning.

So, after a ride, they found themselves seated at the shore of a lake, hands resting against the damp grass, their cheeks flushed with cold and a smile making its way over their faces. Merlin had never felt so happy, spending time with Arthur, without worries, without destiny, without prophecies or evil magicians to stop, Merlin wanted nothing else but this.

One morning with the person he loved more than anything else was enough.

Only a quiet morning and then everything would come back to normal.

His role as servant would return and so Arthur's, Prince of Camelot and future king.

Merlin and Arthur.

The servant and the prince.

The magician and the king. Merlin hoped, in the future.

"I told you." He smiled leaning against the grass with a grin turning his head towards the boy, the man, next to him. The sun had shifted to light Arthur's face, the golden rays creating a contrast in his hair that now seemed almost gold, his usually icy eyes now recalled the lightest of the oceans, the bluest of the skies and oh... oh, _Merlin loved those eyes._

If he had been brave enough he would have reached out, stroked Arthur's cheek and kissed every little spot on his face. From his big eyes, to his nose, to the small freckles that filled his cheeks. He would kiss his forehead and then touch his lips, too afraid to really kiss them.

He would have touched his body with his hands and would have been amazed at every little taste of Arthur and he would have remembered it, he would have remembered it. Until death if necessary.

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice startled him. "Do I have something on my face?" Arthur frowned as he brought a hand to touch his face, searching for something. Merlin felt his heart racing up his throat, trying to get out, and pushed it back down letting out a shaky laugh.

Then he grinned at him.

"No, you look like your idiot self."

Arthur stopped the movement of his hand and looked at him with amusement. Then his hands rushed towards him, his finger grabbing at his waist, tickling him. Merlin froze for a few moments before laughing, his hands clinging to the tufts of grass while he tried to get away from Arthur, their laughter filling the silence on the lake.

"Say it again, Merlin!" Exclaimed Arthur, stopping his fingers just to look Merlin in the eyes.

Merlin felt his heart lose some beats and the words died on his lips. There had never been a time when he and Arthur had been so close by their choice. It had always happened in very bad situations and where the tension was too high, in which they could have died in one way or another. But now, everything was calm now. Nobody was plotting against their lives, now it was just them and the lake. He and Arthur.

_And Merlin would have wanted that to last forever._

When he tried to speak he failed, his mouth suddenly dry and the world too small for them. Arthur was still waiting, his eyes fixed on him, his eyebrows furrowed as worry took place of cheerfulness in his eyes.

"Merlin..." He whispered, moving a hand over his face and Merlin felt his body burn where Arthur's hand was resting, a warmth moving inside him. And oh, _oh how he wished he could touch Arthur,_ touch his face and smile at him and tell him how he loved him.

_How his heart beat inside him._

_How empty everything was without him._

_How, without Arthur, his life had no sense._

-Arthur.- Was the only sound that left his lips and for an moment, a single moment, Arthur's gaze had been filled with affection and his hand had slipped to trace his lips with his finger. Then he had moved away coldly leaving Merlin there, eyes focused on the blue sky above him as his heart beat too quickly in his body.

-We should go home.-  
  


\----------------------------------  
  


-Merlin, come back here.- Arthur had told him, running after him, his hands holding his own trousers, which he was struggling to get into. Merlin just laughed, going down the stairs quickly, jumping the last three steps, his hands wrapped around Arthur's shirt and a huge smile forming on his face.

The steps behind him were getting closer and closer, it was amazing how Arthur was still faster than him even without wearing his shoes. Merlin held his breath, turning quickly to the right, moving into one of the empty corridors of the castle where the kitchens once stood before becoming rooms full of old junk and broken weapons. Merlin was almost sure he had escaped from Arthur and could rest, so he began to slow down, turning to look at the empty corridor behind him. A grin formed on his face and he looked down at Arthur's shirt in his hands.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't even remember why he had taken it, but Arthur looked serious that morning after a fight with his father and Merlin wanted to cheer him up at all costs. And, after all, holding something with Arthur's smell was not bad at all. For a moment he thought of bringing the cloth to his face and smelling Arthur's scent.

His thoughts, however, had been interrupted by quick steps and he found himself trapped against the wall, Arthur's hands pressed close to his waist to stop him from escaping. Merlin stiffened against the wall, cold moving in his body when he noticed the annoyed expression on Arthur's face. But his expression was nothing compared to the way warm breath left his lips and touched Merlin's face every time he breathed. And how all this made him tremble with excitement against the wall, imagining what it would be like to kiss Arthur in that moment. Now that he was weak and tired and... beautiful.

"I told you to stop." He caught up with an annoyed tone and Merlin found himself tightening his grip on Arthur's shirt, finally allowing himself to look down at Arthur's chest. It was not the first time he saw Arthur without a shirt but, with that closeness and Merlin's heart that was in danger of coming out of his chest, it was too much for him too.

Then, remembering that Arthur was still starring at him, he looked in his eyes. But Arthur wasn't looking at him, no, Arthur was looking down at his lips and his eyes had grown dark, his hands pushing better against the wall as if refraining from doing anything. And Merlin would have kissed him, he would have really done it if Arthur hadn't pulled back, snorting, tearing his shirt from his hands and stuffing it with a final glare.

"You will clean the stables today." He mumbled before leaving and Merlin found himself leaning his head against the wall, feeling his legs tremble to the point of giving away, his breath breaking and his face burning as he slid to the ground.

\---------------------------

"You and Arthur are very close, you know?" Gwen had said one day, looking at him out of the corner of her eye as she folded Morgana's clothes, stroking them gently so as not to break them. Merlin was busy reading a book, looking for an explanation of Arthur's strange behavior in those last days. How he didn't want to look at him and how he kept him away and how George had become his best servant. And Merlin hated it, hated George for stealing his place and hated Arthur for driving him away without an explanation. He hadn't done anything wrong, he hadn't stolen Arthur's clothes and acted the right way all that time. Why had Arthur turned him away? Why was he refusing him?

He was certainly under some charm.

So he asked Gaius for a book to find an explanation.

"Really? It doesn't seem like that at all. Now George is his favorite." He replied and when he realized the way he said it he jumped, tightening his grip on the book, hoping that Gwen had not actually noticed the annoyance in his voice.

But he was expecting too much, because Gwen had smiled starting to spread Morgana's wet clothes, moving lightly from one point to another.

"Oh, I really don't think George is his favorite. Arthur is always annoyed and rigid next to him and always creates new excuses to keep George away. And you have to see him while he ignores the boy. I've never seen Arthur like that."

Merlin hugged himself looking away from the book. What Gwen was saying was impossible, the "Arthur" Merlin had seen was always satisfied and happy, and the worst part was that Merlin had never had that treatment. Merlin had to gain Arthur's trust, Merlin had been, for a long time, the only one to make Arthur smile; and now he was nothing other than another servant who Arthur was tired of and his heart could not bear that too.

"You don't need to lie to make me feel better Gwen." He mumbled looking up at the girl.

"You know I'm not lying, Merlin. Have you tried talking to Arthur?"

Merlin stiffened again, staring at her for a few moments. Talking to Arthur? Had he talked to Arthur, at least to find out if he had done something wrong? Merlin's eyes widened, jerking to his feet, dropping Gaius' book to the ground. Gwen had stopped her task to look at him with a worried air and jerked just when Merlin had placed his hands on her shoulders.

"It's true! I didn't speak to Arthur, I just agreed that he would trow me away and that this George would take my place. Maybe Arthur wanted me to talk to him and understand him and ..." He stopped, thoughtfully thinking for a moment if he was doing something wrong. Then he shook his head, it was worth trying and talking to Arthur.

Gwen smiled just below his grip and nodded. "Come on then, what are you waiting for? Go."

And it was enough, because a huge smile formed on Merlin's face and his lips rested on the girl's cheek for a silent thanks. Then, as he had arrived, he disappeared, shooting out of the room and through the corridors of the castle.

*  
  


"Arthur." He had thrown the door open without knocking and the blond's curse had come almost immediately. Arthur's head had come out from under the covers and his eyes had focused on Merlin. Merlin had opened his mouth to say something, finding himself speechless when he realized how far Arthur's eyes were... dark and distant and... how his cheeks were red and... how his expression was full of desire .

Merlin stiffened on the spot.

"Didn't they teach you to knock?" And the hoarse tone with which Arthur had said those words had caused a reaction in Merlin. His body was suddenly too hot and he really wanted to reach Arthur and kiss him. He had swallowed, closing his eyes for a few seconds to try to calm his accelerated beat and the excitement that had taken control of his body.

"Yes..." He cleared his throat hearing his own voice too hoarse, trying to calm down as he slowly narrowed his eyes. Arthur had sat up, the blankets hiding his body from the pelvis down and merlin suspected he was hiding something really important.

"What do you want Merlin."

"I..." His gaze had moved to Arthur's eyes and without further thinking he had closed the door behind him, leaning against the latter, looking at him for a few moments before deciding on an answer. "I ... Why did you backed me away Arthur?"

Merlin realized how Arthur looked like an animal trapped in that moment, how he was clutching the blankets to his chest trying to hide as much as possible from Merlin's inquiring gaze. And that made the raven barely smile, because Arthur was hiding from him and Arthur had never been embarrassed with Merlin around, because Merlin had already seen everything.

"I don't need your services anymore, Merlin." He muttered.

"Don't lie Arthur." And Arthur's shocked gaze convinced Merlin to act. And before he could think it over, before he could back away and run away, before he could pretend that his heart didn't want that, he took steps forward. And Arthur had opened his mouth to speak, to drive him away, to tell him that he didn't need him, to hurt him, to get him out of there and not let him come back, but Merlin didn't want to hear him. Merlin didn't want to listen to him.

So before they could both change their minds and walk away, his hands had rested on the blond's cheeks and his lips had rested on his.

And Merlin felt at home when Arthur returned the kiss, he felt at home when Arthur's hands rested on his shoulders and pulled him to himself, he felt at home when, exhausted, he looked at him and smiled.

And Arthur smiled in turn, his gaze full of affection as he stroked his face.

And Merlin felt compelled to say what his heart had been screaming for years.

"I love you."

And his heart didn't seem to want to stop.

"I love you too."


End file.
